Who the fuck am I to sit behind a desk and say I’m a life coach…well let me tell you why I’m a life coach and why I love what I do.
In 1996, I was diagnosed with Meningitis which left me with both Guillain–Barré syndrome (G.B.S.) and Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (M.E.), from both of these illnesses I suffered several stroke like episodes which left me in a wheelchair. I was told in 1997 that I would never walk, talk, work or have kids.
I admit, I’m a stubborn old bird and decided to totally ignore all of that and carry on regardless. I have since walked, talked (probably too much), worked and have 2 beautiful daughters.
I used to sing in front of large audiences and wanted to be on the stage at a very young age, I loved to perform and then after my father left when I was 11 and subsequent issues with an ex boyfriend, I lost every ounce of confidence. I became so painfully shy and anxious that when I decided to open a new shop, my friend Susan just laughed and said “What are you going to do? Hold up signs to customers to tell them how much to pay?” and she was right, I couldn’t even speak to new people let alone run a shop.
The nerves got so bad that when asked to speak about social media and marketing at a ‘Women in Business’ event, I almost threw up in the car park before I went in and completely lost it. With no one to replace me, I had to find a way to carry on but feel comfortable, so Susan (who was also with me at this event too) came up with the idea of sitting me behind a desk with a laptop so I could speak as if I was live streaming a video instead of speaking to a large live audience. It worked.
From there I threw myself more into the tech world. Web design and marketing have always been a huge passion of mine but I didn’t have the voice to back it up.
I ended up working with 2 of my friends in a business where in all honesty, I drowned. Not because I couldn’t do the work, because I could, in fact I could do it standing on my head whilst singing God Save The Queen, but I kept telling myself I couldn’t. And because my boss was one of my closest friends, someone I felt was family, I couldn’t tell her how I was feeling. She knew. Of course she knew. She knew I could do it, she knew it was my anxiety taking over. She knew. We parted ways and for 2 years I just kept my head down working on myself. Working on who I wanted to be, working on my dreams and goals. Working on changes I wanted to make for myself. And that is the key my dearest readers. Changes I wanted to make for me. Just me. Not because I was told I had to, not because I wasn’t good enough, but because it was my time to blossom.
Since then I haven’t looked back. It’s taken a long time to get where I am today but I am in a place where I feel comfortable. I live stream videos once a week, speak at shows, spend a lot of my time at trade shows and exhibitions and enjoy being able to say… I am Bexz. Although I still get a little freaked out when people ask to have photos taken with me! That might take a bit more getting used to 😉
You see, my issue wasn’t just how I saw myself, it was also the importance I put on other people’s opinions of me. The even more stupid thing is, and I can say that, it was stupid, was that my boss, loved me. She still does. She tried to encourage me but the more she encouraged, the more I told myself she was doing it because she wanted me to fail, because she wanted someone else in my place. My anxiety spiraled into paranoia, especially when the person who I thought was taking my place was someone who could just drop everything and go and see her, where I was 4 hours away. In reality, she wanted the opposite, she wanted me to fly, she was pushing me so I could say YES! I can do this, you don’t need anyone else and for that I am grateful. Thank you because even though I left and at the time I thought I was the worst person in the world, now I look back and realise that since then I have achieved so much. Just like you always wanted me to do.
I have had friends who have used me, abused me and made me feel like shit. And I handed them everything on a plate to do so because I wasn’t in the right frame of mind myself to deal with them or with life. But then things started to change… I started to realise that the true friends were the ones who pushed me to be more than I thought I could ever be. I want to do that for you. I want to support you and show you can be the one to stand up for yourself and to have a voice.
I became a qualified life coach because I wanted to be a coach with a difference. I didn’t want to be a fluffy ‘there, there, it will all be alright’ kind of a coach. I also didn’t want to be a type of coach who hadn’t been through struggles. I wanted to be a life coach because I have been through life and I needed someone to kick me up the arse and support me by being honest, rather than just telling me things to keep me quiet. And I think more people want that, more people need that. And by fuck do I love my job. I really love what I do and I love working with you all.
Well… here I am now. I may not be flying, none of us are perfect, but I am at least jumping off the ground more often than not. I am still a nerd, I still love my tech but I can at least come out from behind the laptop and now I can help others find their wings. Since the changes I made, I have helped many other people achieve their goals and have helped them on the way to fulfilling their dreams, one baby step at a time.
Why am I a life coach? Because I’ve been there.